


We All Want To Fall Sometimes

by DeepDarkOceanDepths



Category: Batman (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Dick has some self control tho, Gen, Grayson’s Death Anniversary, Nightmares, No editing we die like mne, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-07-27 10:17:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16216988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepDarkOceanDepths/pseuds/DeepDarkOceanDepths
Summary: There are certain times of the year when Dick doesn’t patrol. He doesn’t have enough self control to not throw himself off a building at those times.**SLOW updates





	1. Don’t Fall When You Can’t Be Caught

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll try to make this longer than my other fics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls read

Any bystander looking on wouldn’t see anything the matter with the vigilante Nightwing balancing on the edge of the roof. But Dick’s mind was racing with thoughts of leaning a bit too far forward, and the ground rushing up to embrace him.

Shaking his head to clear those thoughts, Dick carefully swings back down off of his roof. He wasn’t going to patrol that night, or the next, or for a while. It was one of those times of year again. Every year, as the anniversary of his parent’s death approached, he stopped patrolling to resist the urge to step off the buildings he patrolled from. Pushing up the window to his apartment, he slipped out of his suit and into some sweats. Dick grabbed his suitcase from the back of his closet and opened the drawers to his bureau. He only grabbed a few changes of clothes because he knew he had some at the manor. Stopping by the bathroom to grap toiletries, Dick continued to pack his things.

The manor was where he always went when he couldn’t patrol, better company than his lonely apartment. This year was sure to be a doozy, last he heard, everyone was at the manor, even Jason. After zipping his bag, Dick did a quick glance throughout the apartment, making sure he hasn’t left anything important like his phone. He silently locked the door behind him before descending the stairs of the apartment complex. After all, he wasn’t going to be able to sleep for awhile, and it was a long drive to Gotham. 

Starting his engine, Dick thought about his system, he went to the manor for the anniversary itself, while other significant days, like his parents’ birthdays, only warranted a night or two off. Dick decided to radio Bruce about his impending arrival. He wasn’t concerned that Bruce wouldn’t be awake, he would only be about an hour or two into patrol. 

“Hey B.”

His only answer was a grunt.

“I’m heading over to the manor, I’m probably gonna show up around seven am. I can’t patrol right now.”

Bruce responded with actual words this time, “Be safe.”

Dick let out a quick laugh. “It’s harder to drive off a bridge than to jump off a building B, I’ll be fine.”

Even to his own ears, his reassurance didn’t sound very reassuring. But hey, at least he won’t be jumping off a building soon.

Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments warm my soul! Please comment, I beg of you!


	2. After All, We Might Catch You Too Late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again, continuing my fic.

Dick shows up at the manor at seven fifteen. He drops his stuff off in his room and doesn’t even bother to unpack, he’ll do it later. Instead he opts to wander the halls, not really going anywhere in particular, until he ends up in the den. Tim is curled up in one of the chairs, his tablet in his hands, report pulled up. He’s so engrossed in his typing that he doesn’t notice Dick creeping up on him.

“‘Sup Timmy.”

Tim almost spills the cup of coffe he had just been trying to drink. “I didn’t know you were here Dick!”

“Just showed up, I didn’t know that you’d be awake.” The ‘go to bed’ went unsaid.

Of course, Tim ignored the hidden message, and asked, “Why’d you come? I mean, not that I don’t want you here, but you normally announce your visits.”

“Spur of the moment. Besides, I thought I could keep you company on the comms, I know Bruce doesn’t contribute much.” He hoped that Tim didn’t realize that he hadn’t said he would be on patrol with them. Tim was really too smart though.

“He really doesn’t say much, does he?” Oh thank god. 

Dick let a small chuckle out. “You’re right, just like how I’m right about you needing sleep.” Swiftly, he grabbed the tablet away from Tim, and all but dragged him to his bed. “Go to sleep.”

“Ugh, fine. You’re the worst.” Tim joked, but obediently turned out his light. Softly closing the door behind him, Dick heaved a sigh, and thought about how much of a hypocrite he was. He probably wasn’t going to sleep for another week, at least not voluntarily.  
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
Surprising everyone at breakfast was fun, of course Bruce and Alfred already knew he would be coming, but all too soon the manor was practically empty again. Damian, Cass, Steph, and Tim had left for school. Jason was out with Roy, and Bruce had to go to work. Even though hanging out with Alfred was fun, he decided to visit Babs instead.

“How’re you doing Hunk Wonder?”

“Fine Babs, just fine.” Babs didn’t have anything pressing, so they were hanging out in her apartment, just the two of them. “I’ll be manning the comms with you for awhile. Can’t patrol right now.” She understood, they’d been friends since forever.

“Don’t want to step off a building in front of the others, huh?”

“Something like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay?


	3. Do Not Fall Into Your Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More chapters ‘cause I don’t where to end it at all.

Later, after forced socializing at dinner, (blame Alfred) the others were suiting up in the cave. Dick himself was applying Bruce’s lessons on lurking, and trying to escape notice until everyone left.

This inevitably failed when Damian found him lurking in the shadows and berated him on not suiting up.

“You are slowing us down Grayson, why is it that you’re not preparing for patrol.”

Dick smiles nervously, Damian would not be happy with his real reason, and would blame himself if he didn’t give a reason. Opting to go with a slight lie, he strides over to the computer with a fake air of confidence. 

“I’m just a bit tired from driving almost all night from Bludhaven Dami. I got less sleep than normal.” Carefully gaging Damian’s reaction, he minutely sighs when his lie is acepted.

“Let’s get going.” Bruce orders as he sweeps away towards the bat mobile.  
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
“Thug on your left B.”

An hour into patrol, Dick is settled into the computer chair, multiple feeds pulled up on the gigantic screen. Bruce and Tim are tying up a couple of goons that tried to rob a jewelry store, - cliche much? - Jason was doing his own patrol in crime alley, and Damian, Cass, and Steph weaving around downtown on a routine patrol.

“How’s it going Steph?” He asked when he heard muffled shouts.

“Oh you know, just Robin trying to stir up an argument with me, and Cass standing off to the side to avoid drama.”

“Sounds normal. Hey, any crimes being committed near you? ‘Cause I think a sensor alarm was just tripped at Gotham Investment Bank. Wanna check it out?”

“Why are you informing Fatgirl and not me Grayson? You know that I am much more competent than her.” Of course Damian had to but in.

“She was already talking to me. You gonna check it out or what?”  
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
The rumble of approaching vehicles echoed through the cave countless hours later. It was a little past 3 am, just enough time for everyone else to be able to get three hours of sleep before waking up again.

Of course, Dick himself wouldn’t sleep.

Didn’t want to tempt the nightmares.


	4. We Might Push You Into The Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hewwo again

Everyone finally was upstairs, save for Dick and Bruce. 

“C’mon Bruce, you should probably sleep, I can fill out the reports for you.”

“You need to sleep too Dick, you can’t just stay up for an entire week.”

“Bruce, I thought we’ve been over this. With the anniversary coming up, my goal is to avoid sleep as long as I damn well can and mope.”

Bruce sighed when he seemed to realize that arguing would not get him anywhere and ceded his chair to Dick. Immediately, he got to work typing up the report. Long after Bruce emerged from the changing room and trudged upstairs, Dick finally finished the detailed report for the night. Then he pulled up all the current cases on the monitor and was analyzing them.

Even later -or earlier if you really cared- Dick was still at work on the cases, he had made a bit of headway, but not much. After all, these cases were still current for a reason. He went upstairs about half an hour before he knew everyone else would start to wake up for the day. He sat on his bed and pulled a book off of his shelf. One of the only ones from his parents. It had been one his Mom’s favorite books, Little Women. He reread his favorite parts until Alfred simply knocked on his door. Of course Alfred already knew he was up, and Dick appreciated that he didn’t come in to make sure that he was awake.

After putting the book back on the shelf, he started to get ready for his day. He mind flashed back to having Little Women read to him as a kid.

And how his parents probably wouldn’t want him to die in his twenties.


	5. I’ll Show You The Flickers Of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This kinda sucks, but eh.

The next morning passed much like the last, breakfast and then everyone left. This time though, Wally had texted him that he was free, and they were going to meet up.

Wally ran over to Gotham and met him in Gotham Public Park (GPP) to mess around. And mess around they did, they ran around the park, and wreaked havoc in other public places like the mall. Finally, their crazy spree slowed, and they eventually were walking down a block eating ice cream. Wally was talking, and Dick knew that question was coming. It was coming soon by the loo-

“So why are you in Gotham? Why not in Bludhaven?”

-ks of it.

There it was.

“Wally, Wally, Wally. Don’t you know, this is my annual visit, celebrating ‘I need more self control so I don’t kill myself’. A holiday, special to Bruce and I.”

“Ohh. Yeah, I see.” At least Wally knew how to keep things light.

“Wally you dog, that’s my ice cream!” Yep, keeping things light. “Oh real mature, sticking your tongue out at me.” ——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
That evening, Dick knew that he had to think up an excuse to get out of patrol. Bruce knew, but Damian was already asking questions, and so were the others. Then his opportunity came. Wally invited him over to Keystone to hang out with him.

Keystone was a calm city, so it wasn’t likely that they would even be needed.

Damian protested a bit, but everyone else seemed to find it okay that Dick was going to be with Wally for the night. 

His predictions turned out to be right, and the night was spent absently checking surveillence footage and watching movies. All in all, he wasn’t even presented with a chance to sleep.

He knew he needed it, but at this point, he just wanted to avoid the nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW, I not really sure if Wally lives in Central or Keystone, but whatever. (Sorry it’s shorter than usual, I don’t know what to put at the moment.)


	6. But I’ll Disolve Into Shadows Soon Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I’m slow, but please accept my offering of angst. (Probably not very angsty)

Of course, Dick’s out of excuses the next evening, and Bruce told him to just tell them.

Yeah, like Damian’s going to like that he can’t patrol so he won’t kill himself. But oh well, avoid it as long as you can is Dick’s motto for this.

It just so happens that the Joker decides to break out that night, and Bruce needs all hands on deck. 

”You stay Dick.”

All hands except him anyways.

“Why must Grayson stay behind Father? Are his abilities really that inadequate?” Of course Damian was there. Tim and Cass has probably figured out what was going on, and Jason and Steph knew not to mess with something like this. Damian was a different story though. “Just stop Dami.” But Dick wasn’t even going to talk about it. Why would he? His  _parents_ were  _dead_.

He doesn’t need to tell Damian this. So Dick just walks away.

———————————————

As it turns out, Joker hadn’t gotten very far and nothing big went down. Everyone came home unharmed and worn out. Dick was tired too. He had to sleep at some point.

He just knew that the nightmares would come.

And come they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was short and long overdue, but I’m really lazy.


	7. And Maybe I’m Not as Fine as I Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for such slow updates, I hope that this chapter can compensate.

He woke up tangled in his blankets, chest heaving. Dick couldn’t stop replying it, even now that he was awake. 

The snap  
The fall  
The crack.

He’s shaking, his head is pounding pounding pounding. Or that might be the knocking at the door. Stumbling out of bed he opened the door.

“I would say good morning but it’s nearly noon.” Dick breathes a sigh relief. Only Bruce. His sigh ends up a half sob and Brice steps in and snaps the door behind him. “Lunch is in half an hour, Alfred would appreciate seeing you there.” 

It’s Saturday and everyone will be there but he’s always been a masochist.

“I’ll be there.” He waits for Bruce to either step back out or step forward. He doesn’t know which is better. And then he’s enveloped in a hug. Bruce clutched him close and then turns and leaves, the door opening and closing with a click. 

—————————————

He slowly makes his way down to lunch half an hour later. Alfred smiles a bit when he arrives, which fills how numb he always feels at this time of year. Damian looks on, suspiciously. He knows he looks a bit messy, wrinkled shirt and faded sweatpants and has some visual indicators of his lack of sleep. 

Honestly if this is what Tim always feels like, he needs to find some more subtle sedatives. 

Smile pasted on, Dick straightens up and starts to chatter and the meal goes normally for everyone else.

Bruce drags him to his study after and sits there in silence until the tears come. Then it’s a haze of sadness and longing for his parents. 

Dinner goes the same as lunch and he knows, Damian will confront him tonight. He has no excuse and his brother wants answers.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I actually wrote something slightly quality!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Learn Something New Everyday](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16917948) by [NeoAsh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeoAsh/pseuds/NeoAsh)




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